Listening is the Ultimate Consulting and Coaching Skill

As a consultant and coach, I have often heard debates about whether our real value is in the advice we give or the questions we ask. In my experience, the real difference-maker is neither. What sets successful consultants apart is their ability to truly listen.

This is why I was so excited to bring Dr. Rick Bommelje, founder of the Leadership and Listening Institute, onto my podcast. Rick has spent decades teaching leaders the power of listening. He was also one of my earliest mentors, and his influence completely changed the trajectory of my career.

From Hearing to Deep Listening

Rick explains that listening is not the same thing as hearing. Hearing is passive, while listening is active, intentional, and relational. He introduced me to the SEER model: Sensing, Interpreting, Evaluating, and Responding. According to Rick, listening means engaging with all the senses, evaluating credibility, responding with intention, and remembering what matters most for future conversations.

Why Consultants and Coaches Must Master Listening

Early in my career, I thought being a good consultant meant having the right frameworks, asking the right discovery questions, or showcasing my credentials. But clients consistently told me that what they valued most was how I listened.

Rick confirmed this. He said that too many coaches and consultants get stuck on their “list of questions,” when in reality, the best questions will emerge naturally from deep listening. When we focus on listening, we uncover the real challenges underneath the surface — the adaptive challenges that leaders are facing when they move into uncharted territory.

The Business Case for Listening

I will never forget one of my executive clients who told me that the reason he valued me was not my master’s degree or my time at Disney. He said it was because I could get inside his head, organize his ideas, and mirror back what he was really thinking. That level of clarity and relief made him feel heard and understood.

Rick calls listening “the ultimate leadership competency.” And I have to agree. Listening is what builds credibility and trust. It is what allows us to create impact, not just deliver advice.

Listening as a Leadership Competency

Leadership is not about titles, authority, or positions. It is about navigating adaptive challenges. As Rick put it, leadership is like steering a ship on stormy seas rather than a calm harbor. And when our clients are navigating those seas, our role as consultants is to come alongside them, listen deeply, and help them make meaning in uncertain waters.

The Role of Listening in a World of AI

Today, with artificial intelligence shaping how we work, I often get questions from consultants who worry about being replaced. My perspective is that AI can be a powerful assistant for low-value tasks like drafting emails or summarizing data. But it cannot replicate the human connection that comes from listening.

Rick and I agree that AI might support us with interpretation and analysis, but it cannot match the relational and emotional exchange that happens when we truly listen to another person. Listening will always be the differentiator.

Listening Pays, But It Also Transforms

For me, listening has not only been a skill that “pays,” it has been one that has transformed my career and my client relationships. As Rick reminded me, listening is not optional. It is the skill that turns conversations into transformation, helps clients face adaptive challenges, and allows us to show up as true partners and leaders.

If you want to set yourself apart as a consultant or coach, start by listening deeply. It is the most powerful skill you can cultivate.

Next steps:

Active, reflective listening is a cornerstone of my Partnership Setup™ approach to landing strategic client engagements. It’s the skill that earns you permission to move past “what they want” into real business goals. If you want to master this in your own practice, join me inside my brand-new group coaching program, the Impact and Income Accelerator, starting October 14. Enrollment is open now, and early bird discounts are available. Sign up here https://www.betsyjordyn.com/accelerator

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About the guest: Rick Bommelje has over 30 years of professional experience in the fields of leadership, listening, and adult education. Rick is a Professor in the Department of Communication at Rollins College in Winter Park, Florida. The Princeton Review named Rick one of ‘The Best 300 Professors’ in the Nation. He also is the past President of the International Listening Association and was inducted into the Listening Hall of Fame. In 2004, Rick and Lyman Steil published the pioneering book, “Listening Leaders: The Ten Golden Rules to Listen, Lead, and Succeed”. Rick’s latest book is titled “Listening Pays: Achieve Significance through the Power of Listening”. He facilitates retreats on the Courage to Lead.

About me: Betsy Jordyn is a brand messaging strategist and business mentor for purpose-driven consultants and coaches. With a background in organizational development—including a consulting career with Disney—she helps experts clarify their unique value, position themselves strategically, and build businesses that deliver impact, income, and personal fulfillment. Connect with Betsy Jordyn to clarify your message, elevate your brand, and attract the clients you're meant to serve. Start here → https://www.betsyjordyn.com/services